In all honesty . . .

I am a people pleaser.  Before I write a blog post, I think to myself – will anyone want to read this?  If I don’t put pictures, what will people think?  If I only put pictures, what will people think?  What if I do not use correct grammar?  Will I say something that someone doesn't agree with and cause them to dislike me?  Going through all of these questions has slowed down my blogging.  There are so many things I have wanted to say, but I worry what someone will think if they read it.  I have composed so many blog posts in my head that have never made it to the screen. 

That’s about to change.  I started this blog before Peter was born for multiple reasons.  I wanted a place to record milestones.  I wanted to be able to share pictures with friends and family that we don’t see often.  I wanted to record memories that may be forgotten.  I wanted to share my thoughts. 

I was able to blog pretty frequently with just one kid, but everything changed when Danielle was born.  Things always change when you add a second baby, but my world was turned upside down in a way that most people don’t experience.  It’s been 18 months since my experience with ARDS, but I still think about it every single day.  I think about what ARDS took away.  I think about the baby that I lost 10 months ago and how I should have a 5-month-old in my arms right now.  I think about my life pre-Danielle and post-Danielle. 

I have no idea who reads this blog.  I have no idea if you want to see pictures of my kids, hear about the fact that I’m still dealing with PTSD regarding my hospitalization, read my ramblings about what I feel is wrong with our current education system, read thoughts I have about the miscarriage and how I think about that sweet little boy every single day, or hear about all of the crazy things my 3-year-old is saying these days.  However, I know that I want this blog to be a place for me to share my heart, and my heart is made up of all of those things.  I want this blog to be a record of our family – a legacy for generations to come.  When my great-great-great-great-great –granddaughter is doing a report on her family history, I want this blog to be a part of it.

So . . .

I’m going to start writing more.  I’m going to start posting more pictures.  I’m going to go back and catch up on lots of posts that I never wrote or didn’t publish because they were never finished.  I’m going to share my opinions even if they cause controversy.  I’m going to blog what I want and how I want.

No, no one has criticized my blog.  No one has told me to do anything differently.  I’m just telling myself to stop trying to please others and do this for myself.  Blog because I enjoy it.  Write anything I want even if there are grammar mistakes.  Perfection isn’t necessary.  

Hope you enjoy. J